Starting Again

Well as you can all see I haven’t posted in well over a year. Cutting out all the shit, I totally lost track and motivation for this. I lost motivation for losing weight due to a little bit of ill health and that was one of the worst things I could have ever done, I have put myself right back to where I started.
So, I’m going to start this again and keep on track! I have been back at the gym for a while now but wanted to wait and see if I could stick with it before I started posting again, so here I am.

Losing weight is one of the hardest things I have ever had to do, it seems to easy in theory but actually doing it is so much harder, I have a couple of little medical issues that make losing weight more difficult but I don’t take care of myself even slightly and that needs to change. I need to put myself first. I am one of those people who is constantly busy doing nothing, I overwhelm myself with everything and it just leads me to making bad and unhealthy choices later on.

Over the past couple of months my weight has been starting to bother me even more than it did before and I think it is because I’m getting older -sounds ridiculous, eh?- but I see my friends and they look like adults, they are wearing nice clothes and enjoying life and that is something I have robbed myself of, I have robbed myself of so many opportunities. I can’t even go on holiday with my friends because at this moment I can’t even take my cardigan off in front of them never mind being on a beach in a swimming costume. I hate myself for thinking this way, because I know they don’t care even slightly but everyone else on that beach will.
The thought of having to dress up nice just kills me inside because I feel like a child playing dress up, I don’t feel pretty, I just spend my night completely paranoid that everyone is staring at me and probably 80% of the time it is my head. I need this to change. I have beyond amazing friends, I got into university, I am moving soon and I have a great job; my weight is just the last thing I need to change. I WILL CHANGE!!!

I went to a personal trainer a couple of months ago, she is one of my friends and she just helped me for a couple of weeks, showing me how to use weights properly and giving me a general idea of the kind of stuff I should be doing, which was beyond helpful! I will be using all of that in the gym. I did think she was trying to kill me at one point, but I survived, just. I have went back to the gym and joined one in Glasgow so that I can go before meeting friends and everything. I will post exercise updates in following posts.

As seen from previous posts, my eating is so bad. I struggle with food so much, not even in the sense of how much to eat because I know how much I should be eating and how many calories for my weight and height but I am such a picky eater which sounds crazy considering how overweight I am. I struggle to eat any kind of meat without it being 90% ketchup and 10% meat. I just end up eating nuggets and chips, basically a very unhealthy children’s diet but adult portions. So, I am going to be moving back onto eating Quorn and giving up ketchup! I have downloaded some healthy eating plans which I am going to follow and attempt to try new foods again. If anyone has any food suggestions then please throw them my way as I need all the help I can get at this point.

I don’t have much else to say today. I will start posting once a week again as I just want to keep track of this so maybe one day I can look back at how I felt and just remind myself how far I have come.

oh dear
I don’t have many body photos, so here is one of me from a couple of months ago on a wee trip! This will just give you a general idea of my size to date.


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